These Words given by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."